Decisions, Decisions

Where is the balance? Balance between _____ and ______ has been on my mind for literally YEARS. Words to fill in that blanks shoot wildly through my brain. Confidence and humility (always first). Phonics and whole word approach. Boldness and meakness. Agency and dependence on God. Praying over everything, and not being a slothful servant needing to be commanded in all things. Democrats and Republicans. Work and play. Family and service outside the home. Pondering about things to glean insight and moving on. Taking care of the problems in our own country and "helping" other countries fight their battles. Algorithms and discovery learning. Saving and paying off debt. Responsibility and spontaneity. My list with this is, as yet, endless.

When does it cross the line when you're praying for something with faith and persistence...into nagging the Lord into "116 pages" that are really not in your best interest to have, or lose?

How do you choose between good and good...and good? And then, not look back?

I want to choose the better part. I listen to Elder Oaks and want to not settle for good or even better, but the very best. I waste time wanting to give the very most energy/effort/etc to the very best/most important use of my time, and being torn in multiple directions and often, thereby, do nothing. Which might, interestingly, explain my blogging about it... (I can almost hear in my head Wormwood and Screwtape loving this predicament of mine. Little devils.)

One specific sliver of this general question that is on my mind these days is...actually kind of more like a huge slice than a sliver, I suppose. You know...a little thing...like... life-direction-altering. My 3 narrowed-down options (the first is the one that's happening right now, but if I want one of the other two, I'll have to expend a little more effort to get the ball rolling elsewhere):

1) Teach at Westland next year (I'm already team leader for 2nd grade and on the executive PTA board as the teacher representative) and go to classes Tues/Thurs nights for 3 hours to earn my ESL endorsement, which I'd have at the end of the year. The district will pay me a stipend to do it, too (though it's only available in 2 disbursements in the following 2 consecutive Falls if and only if I am still teaching for Jordan District or the new break-off district after the split. This means long-term commitment. Unless, I don't care about the money. Which has to be part of my nature in order to still be teaching, pretty sure.) THEN I can apply this endorsement to a Masters at SUU the following year...so 1/2 my Masters was not only paid for, but I get a stipend for! (Which is NIGHT and DAY different in cost of the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology that I applied for and didn't get accepted to at UPenn. That would've been SO fun...and SO expensive. "Due to an exceptionally high number of very highly qualified applicants, and only limited space availability in the program, we regretfully inform you that you suck." But it was really okay, overall. My immediate first thought was "that would've been REALLY expensive", and lightning fast came the second thought: "Where God closes a door He opens a window." I like open windows. Just not in this deserty, sweltering heat. I don't know if that has any allegorical relevance...and since I can't think of any very fast here...just take that as face value. Or apply your own meaning and think I'm amazing for being so deep. Whichever.)

2) Look further into applying to a university and traveling to get a Masters through a study abroad program in another country (hence the "abroad" term...but it's sounds so great I had to say it twice =o) ) I know far less about this process than I'd like to admit. But really all it would take is going to talk to a counselor at a university. Right? This completely appeals to my desires for travel and education and stretching my brain to think outside the America First mentality (which is the name of my credit union...and which I cringe at every time I drive in their parking lot! haha! Don't get me wrong. I love living in America and am so grateful for my freedoms and the sacrifices made. But I do not and will not ever have an America First mentality. I am first a child of God, 2nd a world citizen, and THIRD an American citizen. And at 1 1/2 or maybe 1B--a member of my family.) Anywho.

3) I began an application to the Peace Corp months ago. I was exceptionally excited. I still am, but wonder if it's right. But I haven't felt like it's wrong yet. Just that I've felt obligation to go through with option 1, not abandon my responsibilities for next year. Which both option 2 and 3 would have me do. And I really don't want to miss going to Greece with my Dad and sisters at the end of the school year! And, on a deeply personal and almost-not-shared note, if anything happened to my dad while I was gone I just might never forgive myself for the time lost.

So, what's the balance between solidly choosing the option 1 and adventurously changing my life in exciting option 2 and 3 ways? There is absolutely nothing wrong with option 1. I would love to get my ESL endorsement and Masters. But you have to admit, it is the least exciting of the 3 choices. Either of the other 2 would be the memory of a lifetime.

But...I want to live a life full of memories of a lifetime.